This is All propaganda for the Absurdish Liberation Army only a fool would interact with this stuff it is all lies and untruths. Your best course of action would be to leave well alone.
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The Absurdish Liberation Army
Mpande kaSenzangakhona king of the Zulus was an observant man. When northern European missionaries visited his royal residence he noticed their lack of grey hair, although they were old it seamed age was not affecting them. It came to his notice these strangers would smear oil on their heads every morning. It was the fashion among the Victorian gentry to use the oil from the macassar nut as a hair styling product. With prolonged use it tended to dye natural fibers dark brown. This was why in British households lace cloths called antimacassars were placed on the backs of chairs, and other furniture that might come into contact with men’s heads. Mpande kaSenzangakhona came to the conclusion after seeing a succession of spritely old missionaries with dark brown hair talking about everlasting life that they had if not the secret to eternal youth, at least an effective anti ageing elixir, macassar oil. As a powerful king the largest nation in southern Africa he expected ambassadors of foreign gods and powers to share their secrets with him. You could portray an aspect of the Zulu political system as simply what is good for the king is good for the nation. Because of this officials of the Zulu court set about supplying their king with all the macassar oil he would ever need. After that any European visiting the Royal enclosure would be harangued for macassar oil. Missionaries are rarely rich men, and could not possibly supply enough macassar oil. However in Europe the poor also had a similar problem when they needed to look respectable in middle class company would use similar greasy things. It is not known which missionary first passed off fake macassar oil, but they all seemed to have a hand in it. Near the end of the British Zulu war the British Troops entered the King Cetshwayo kaMpande, King Mpande kaSenzangakhona’s son’s Royal enclosure, after fighting a war where the Zulu army inflicted one of the biggest losses on the British, which the British army suffered in all the colonial wars. The British occupiers found it hard to believe the Royal residence of an Empire the size of the Zulu nation could be as simple as it appeared to be, unaware the Zulus counted their wealth in cattle. The soldiers were sure there would have to be some gold hidden some where. Consequently the troops dug up almost every part of the Royal enclosure in search of this gold, but all they found were tins and tins of boot black. When cultures mix there will be all sorts of misunderstandings, and even if we are more honest than religious missionaries, all that you can hope to take away is what you put in. Consider yourself warned: This is Absurdia! Four videos are scattered around this point for you to peruse at your pleasure, whether you do this or not is not up to the author, as it would be madness to think the modern author is in some way omnipotent, that just to read is to agree.
No the role of the artist now is just to point at things, although it has not yet been specified what tool the artist is expected to use to point with. That is an important statement and I will not sully the above with a dick joke. |
The Absurdish Liberation Army
We the undersigned |
Manifesto
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Put forward the Argument; Creativity is the work of the Wastrel, and any society that rejects wasteful activities should be denied our creativity. To this end we shall no longer accept monetary gain for our art or invention. We will not be used to prop up incompetent and corrupt markets which pollute our ideas. There is no means of working out beforehand which ideas will have practical uses; consequently any curtailment of creative play is suppression of the creative mind, and ideas that come from it. We will no longer be suppressed by theories which dictate progress comes through competition. Without new ideas there is no progress, and ideas come from play.
Bring a large saucepan of water to the boil and add fresh egg noodles and cook for two minutes. Dain the noodles in cold water and set to one side. Creatives are gentle flowers and who need the time and space to play, sleep and disregard all practical things. Creatives have to waste their time if they are to blossom. So plant in a large deep rich bed with a nicely turned soft tilth, out of the wind, but preferably with a southern aspect. Plant in informal drifts, making sure the little blossoms have room to grow. Remember unlike most vegetables Creatives have tender roots and can be harmed if you try and thin the crop. As a general rule I always plant half as many Creatives in a given bed as it states on the packet. I have known many a gardener that has planted too closely only to produce an endless crop of literature of how hard the Creatives growing period was. This seems to be a common mistake in Ireland. The bed should be free draining, and once the first shoots appear you may bulk up with a generous feeding of manure. You can water the Creatives once they near maturity with alcohol or other chemical feed this will lead to a sudden copious blooming, but it also shortens the life of the display. Creatives have an irritating habit of jumping beds and cross fertilizing with anything, there are also some stains which undermine roots of other plantings which almost inevitably leads to an untidy display. Some flourish after a vigorous pruning while others wither and die from the slightest nick. Male plants have a tendency to climb over female plants so often a bloom is thought to come from one when it is the fruit of another. The latest and best thinking on the genetics of Creatives is that it is not a species at all, but a virus that infects normal vegetables which makes them grow wrong, much like the variegation in some tulips. Most right thinking gardeners try this crop for a few seasons, learn from their errors, give up and plant azaleas instead. I for one would go further than that and advocate the burning of all material that could carry this infection. I personally have known incidents of only one pinch of infected material getting into a garden, then the vegetables produce an abundant crop of children’s books within weeks. Cut plain bean curd into cubes and fry until brown in a lightly oiled pan. Then lift and set to one side. The Absurdish army boasts a mighty membership of three, but two of these cannot be trusted, one because he is inherently lazy, and the other is a female interloper who is probably in the pay of the CIA and only seeks to undermine the present leadership. The inner core is run by a paranoid megalomaniac, who has not yet realized he is controlled by bodies which are more complex and insidious than his limited imagination could comprehend. Have nothing to do with these people. Beat the eggs with a table spoon of water for each egg and add seasoning. In a lightly oiled pan cook without stirring until set and flip over, once cooked slide from the pan roll up and slice thinly, now set to one side. What do artists nead with money? On one hand it may seem to facilitate large scale works, and allow the artist to live while concentrating on the work of creation. But on the other hand, money comes at a price, often the artist is expected to produce work which will reflect well on the donor, worse still the artist is expected to meet these sort of people and I have even known cases where artists have been forced to talk to ‘clients’ in personal and intimate situations like across the street, or in a warehouse. There are even cases where creative people have been forced to display themselves to the public in what is called a lecture, but we all know this to be just a euphemism for pornographic encounter club. On the other hand they say this takes very little time, but on the other hand I would counter it is degrading, and not only is the expenditure on cigarettes and other drugs one has to use to ready oneself before these incidents not taken into account, but the time it takes to recover from being sullied in this way often uses up as more than the sum offered to the artist in the first place. On the other hand you say these ‘encounters’ come from free choice, on the other hand I counter don’t palm me off, I feel your dirty fingers pawing at me. You use money to get your fingernails into my flesh. I will not be gripped by the hold you have on me. You donors have had your claws to us for to long, where artists will forever be handled by the likes of you. I have a brain the creative is more than a hired hand. Heat the remaining oil in a wok and fry onion and garlic to soften, now add the drained noodles, light soy sauce, ketchup and chili sauce. Toss well over medium heat for about two minutes then add boiled and diced potato and some sliced spring onions and fresh chopped chili and the bean curd when hot add the sliced omelet when ready serve and garnish with remaining spring onion. What do artists actually want: to create, display work and exchange ideas with others. The Absurdish Liberation Army exists to achieve this without the seeming necessity of using filthy lucre. Boycott the rich who use our stuff to aggrandize themselves. Artist make your works from rubbish, so it can never be sold. Reject the art market, we don’t need it. organize your own events, paint, write because you are driven, not for money. Even if you have to work at some pissing awful job to support yourself, your work will benefit from not having the restrictions that benefactors always place on it. Don’t let outsiders select Creatives, saying who is good and who isn’t, art is about dreaming, your play should be without boundaries, lets play with everyone who wants to play and not just who the rich boys want us to. |
The Absurdish flag is a clear flag
The Absurdish flag is a transparent flag
nar, knee knee nar , nar knee knee naugh.
nar knoo knee nar
know knee nar know
Lyrics from the second verse of the Absurdish Anthem |
Kill the art market. Make it into a playground with swings and stuff.
I bloody well agree with this here stuff and stick my name to it, and promise for all that is worth not to sell artwork anymore.
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Signature
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Name in block lower case letters or numbers as you see fit.
Address to
Jesus Christ bloody great whirly thing,
In the sky belong Mrs. Queen
at the big hut Whitehall 1212
London, Angland.
Once you have printed this signed it and sent it to the above address you may consider yourself part of the Absurdish Liberation Army rhich entitles you to assign yourself a rank, and a bit of a snooze afterrards. Stop the r has gone funny on this crappy keyboard again. They don’t even bother to pretend I’m ranted, the equipment they give me- honestly rhat sort of life do I have, even accountants have some credibility, rho ever pulled after admitting ‘my job is rriting the small print that nobody ever bothers rith.’ All I do is rrite the stuff they don’t rant anybody to read, and nobody can be arsed rith. I can remember rhen I left university rith a first in post modern poetry; I thought the rorld rould be at my feet. Rhat a raste of life, sure I’ve got the mortgage and shiny car, but that’s it, nobody respects somebody rho thrors aray their art for cash, yeh, and rhen I talk, they sneer ‘there’s an easy ansrer, go and rrite your poetry re’re not stopping you’, but people depend on my rage. I can’t just ralk out its not that easy is it? And every day I do this job my soul dies a little bit more.
I bloody well agree with this here stuff and stick my name to it, and promise for all that is worth not to sell artwork anymore.
__________________________________________________
Signature
__________________________________________________________________
Name in block lower case letters or numbers as you see fit.
Address to
Jesus Christ bloody great whirly thing,
In the sky belong Mrs. Queen
at the big hut Whitehall 1212
London, Angland.
Once you have printed this signed it and sent it to the above address you may consider yourself part of the Absurdish Liberation Army rhich entitles you to assign yourself a rank, and a bit of a snooze afterrards. Stop the r has gone funny on this crappy keyboard again. They don’t even bother to pretend I’m ranted, the equipment they give me- honestly rhat sort of life do I have, even accountants have some credibility, rho ever pulled after admitting ‘my job is rriting the small print that nobody ever bothers rith.’ All I do is rrite the stuff they don’t rant anybody to read, and nobody can be arsed rith. I can remember rhen I left university rith a first in post modern poetry; I thought the rorld rould be at my feet. Rhat a raste of life, sure I’ve got the mortgage and shiny car, but that’s it, nobody respects somebody rho thrors aray their art for cash, yeh, and rhen I talk, they sneer ‘there’s an easy ansrer, go and rrite your poetry re’re not stopping you’, but people depend on my rage. I can’t just ralk out its not that easy is it? And every day I do this job my soul dies a little bit more.
About Absurdia. The Absurbish Political System Explained
There are religious fanatics who will categorically state the tradition of the Absurdish political system comes directly from the poet, but in these more enlightened times, academics tend to theorise the origins come from a mixing of a number of cultures, in the late tin age of western Gaul. As such, the sayings of the poet they imply, was so much doggerel used to justify a political system already in situation. There are evident problems with both these dogmas. If the whole edifice was created by the poet, one would tend to overlook the rudimentary democracies propagated by the likes of Thomas Steel. These proto democracies voted with a system of white and black balls dropped in an amphora. The balls would be counted and the issue decided by separating black from white; and the majority would take victory. The epic stanza written to plead for the vote to be made in Steel’s favour is commonly taken to be the foundation of Rhetoric. It seems some, and not just the religious types would actually favour writing ‘little white ball’ Tommy Steel and his cavemen out of history.
Nobody of conscience could countenance this though, changing history to fit in with their understanding of words written in a translated book. Once you start changing history you will inevitably affect the meanings of the poet’s words. No the truth is, if your understanding of the translation does not fit the scientific facts of the past, then the problem is with your interpretation not the facts. Alternately if we look at those who stand out against the poetry, their platform is no less precarious: To deny the existence of the poet entirely would leave holes in history and is itself a denial of the actual facts. It is not Absurdish to say these people are not Absurdish, but a dreamer does not deny the dream, ‘a dreamer adapts it to their inner truth, for the inner truth is your only certainty, who would not laugh if I mentioned Malcolm Rifkind.’ On meeting for a personal interface in March twenty twelve, the supreme leaders of the wasps Barak Obama, and David Callahan exchanged gifts, towit a personalised barbeque set, and a table tennis board. Surely none could doubt the inclusion of ‘his and her aprons’ in these gifts was not pregnant with meaning. One could also question the ethics of presenting to a person with initials that stand for ‘Body Odour’ a ping pong table, remember ‘he who smelt it, dealt it’. The Absurdish tradition of political orators standing on their heads comes directly from the poet. As he pointed out anybody that seeks control over others is seeing the world upside down, so it was an easy step for the public to force aspirant leaders to do handstands before they would be listened to. From what may have seemed a throw away comment of the poet, has become a constant benefit to Absurdia for generations. Absurdia has never suffered from the idealisation of the leader, which has been the bane of so many nations. It is hard to look up to dictators when their heads are on the ground and they are straining to keep their feet in the air. Many visitors to Absurdia have commented on how Absurdist politicians display a natural sense of balance, which is because of our insistence of head standing being a prerequisite of the job. One can only wonder why all cultures do not force their tyrants to do he same. The very act of head standing ensures a good flow of blood to the brain consequently we are probably able to demonstrate Absurdish politicians think more effectively than their counterparts in other cultures. Also Absurdish politicians cannot just blurt out any old nonsense that comes into their heads as they have to at least handstand before they may speak. Even setting all that to one side, this requirement of Absurdish politics has meant our leaders tend to be the fittest, and they could easily punch the lights out of say the Australian assembly in a spot of fisticuffs, and that thought cannot but incline the ordinary Absurdian into thinking about a bit of frond waving. |
Ancient Western Gaul
In this exact reconstruction, one can smell the true nature of the ancient Gualish revolutionaries who did so much that was to influence the early culture of Absurdia. Above is a scratch and sniff image. Scratch any part of the image and be transported instantly to the nature of ancient Gual. The scratch and sniff image has been donated to this site with the kind permision of Renem Industries Ltd. Obama gifts
The barbeque is an obvious visual comment on the state of British engineering, but we can see the rest as having all the usual components of the hidden world of the trouser lifters. |
Dissention in Absurdia
Arabic shoe throwing
Other Cultures also have effective means of dealing with politicians when they raise their ugly heads in public. The Absurdish solution to Politicians
Absurdish politicians being given therapy by a colection of skaters with balance problems. The Canadian Problem Solved?
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Absurdia like all societies suffers from times when the politicians get so bigheaded that they don’t want to listen to the public. For sure even during these periods, in that Absurdia debars politicians and their ilk from power means we tend to suffer less than other societies, but we still do have a problem.
Once again guidance from the poet has helped. Our solution is similar to Arabic shoe throwing, but we pride ourselves in having a solution that is more effective. Although as with all things it has presented us with a few problems of our own. As Absurdish politicians have to stand on their heads to speak, they do tend to be more intimidated by a crowd than politicians of other societies. Even so they can get uppity. Over many years the Absurdish people have found the best way to belittle politicians is by the wearing of roller skates. Nothing intimidates dictators standing on their heads more than a crowd of incompetent skaters whizzing around their faces. Also Absurdia is one of the few societies that politicians listen to young people learning to skate instead of treating them as pariahs. No Absurdish politician blamed a teddy boy or hoody for anything. Faced with a crowd of skaters the politicians soon back down. There have even been cases where the politicians have been so frightened by this therapy that they have been cured of their wish to control others. This is a happy answer to the problems of dissention in society, as Absurdia has very rarely suffered from authoritarian control when an elite tries to cling to power, but there are problems, as we have not yet come up with the perfect dream. Absurdia does have a problem with the fat lobby, which are a group of rotund skaters who can be hired for almost any cause, but they tend over time to be used so often they become fit and loose weight, so this difficulty does tend to sort itself out. Politicians will respond more quickly to skaters who look as though they are out of control, than they will to skaters who move with elegance. This has encouraged a certain level of natural incompetence in Absurdish skaters. This has meant Absurdia has rarely won an Olympic skating gold medal. That we can easily live with, but the real problem has been with immigration. The Canadian problem. During the last century the dictatorship of Joseph Philippe Pierre Yves Elliott Trudeau forced many Canadians to flee his repressive tyrannical regime to live a hopeless life in one of the many refugee camps. Absurdia welcomed these individuals in with open arms. However cultural differences soon started a level of strife. It is well known Canadians spend most of their lives skating about eating cheese. This in tern meant Absurdish people of Canadian dissent are far too elegant skaters for Absurdish politicians to be intimidated by. This caused the Canadian community to feel ostracised by society as a whole. This situation dragged on for years, and now in many places you can find exclusive enclaves of Canadians eating cheese and whittling fish. However a recent initiative of providing anyone of Canadian dissent with a free pogo stick when meeting a politician has done much to draw our culture back together. Absurdia can now honestly boast it is a true multi cultural society with hardly any problems of discrimination, and actually the entire society would agree a person of Canadian dissent is the cultures most celebrated son Leo Naugler master of the creative arts. |
Laws and Heirachy in Absurdia
The are no laws in Absurdia, Although other societies persist with daft theories, like hurting people, to make them do what you want seem central to their make up this is not the way in Absurdia. To us the ten thousand year experiment other cultures have undertaken of laws, crime, and punishment has not worked. We can find no evidence there are less murders now than there were ten thousand years ago. In fact around the peripheries of the cultures that call themselves the most advanced there are far more murders than there were in the past. Absurdians are often asked without laws why don’t you all go around murdering each other? It is because we don’t want to.
It is not the Absurdish way to be radical, or fanatical, we just do our own thing, consequently to take up an entirely republican egalitarian political system would be too extreme, on the other hand to be a society based on monarchy, class with hierarchy also does not appeal. We have opted to be egalitarian where there is no class, no hierarchy whatsoever, with a monarchy, well when we say monarchy we do not actually have a monarch. Monarchs tend to want to go around opening things and insist on fresh paint. In other words in is natural to them to expect others to do things for them. This runs counter to a society where we do things because we want to. However to insist on an entirely egalitarian society would damage a culture which prides itself on encompassing many view points. Absurdia is thus egalitarian with a little bit of a hierarchy. We have a ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’, Beryl. She has sacrificed herself to drink tea, and champagne in the company of visiting dignitaries, even occasionally listen to politicians, so for this gesture on her part we acknowledge her nobility. She satisfies a need for a hierarchy without the consequent downside of aristocracy, and ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’ achieves this without the need for an entourage of upper class twits. Bless you Beryl ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’ you make us proud, we Absurdians wave our basalt fronds in admiration.
It is not the Absurdish way to be radical, or fanatical, we just do our own thing, consequently to take up an entirely republican egalitarian political system would be too extreme, on the other hand to be a society based on monarchy, class with hierarchy also does not appeal. We have opted to be egalitarian where there is no class, no hierarchy whatsoever, with a monarchy, well when we say monarchy we do not actually have a monarch. Monarchs tend to want to go around opening things and insist on fresh paint. In other words in is natural to them to expect others to do things for them. This runs counter to a society where we do things because we want to. However to insist on an entirely egalitarian society would damage a culture which prides itself on encompassing many view points. Absurdia is thus egalitarian with a little bit of a hierarchy. We have a ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’, Beryl. She has sacrificed herself to drink tea, and champagne in the company of visiting dignitaries, even occasionally listen to politicians, so for this gesture on her part we acknowledge her nobility. She satisfies a need for a hierarchy without the consequent downside of aristocracy, and ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’ achieves this without the need for an entourage of upper class twits. Bless you Beryl ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’ you make us proud, we Absurdians wave our basalt fronds in admiration.
Official Picture; ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’ rises from the royal deck chair to take a salute from the officer commanding in thanks for undergoing the incessant chatter given out by several politicians, in the Royal bungalow Penge.
‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’s’ Royal standard representative of many of the things this grand lady brings to us. The pure white eternal great star which guides our way even in the dark. The black and yellow zigzags remind us of bees our origins and societies with queen mums. And bees remind us of honey and the white reminds us of cream. And that is Absurdia, the lands of cream and honey with ‘Our Dear Old Queen Mum’ at the centre. |
Only a fool would confuse the 'Dear Old Queen Mum's Royal Standard with the Absurdian Flag. If you did that it would make the whole first line of the Absurdish Anthem nonsensical.
The Absurdish Flag is the most respected and promenant flag accross the world. Every time you see an empty flag pole there is the Absurdish flag. All over the world there are ceromonies where every evening the Absurshish flag is rasied. Every time the Queen of England goes out the Absurdish Flag is raised over her residence transforming it into an Absurdish Palace. Which is the admitance the rich and powerful don't own these things they just rent them from us. A common mistake when singing the Absurdish anthem is to confuse the silent Ks with the Ks which are pronounced. This can be seen by Absurds as insulting. The advice to the uninitiated is to mumble the lyrics. |